世界 角落

It’s definitely not a short journey.

Especially at different points of time, I was put into seemingly endless wait.

Waiting makes a person feel even longer for the period of time.

Couldn’t remember exactly how many applications I sent out.

Turned down 2 interviews.

Attended 4 interviews.

Declined a really decent offer which promised Sgd500 per month more than my current new job.

My prayer was, “God, You just open one door. One, only one, and I will then know it’s Your way.”

Started my serious job hunt in January but none get back to me.

Started to question myself and even question God.

Am I that lousy that no one wants me?

God why are You not opening any door?

Will I end up jobless?

God why are You not doing anything?

If I am to use only a word to sum up my feeling, it will be “anxiety”.

To be honest, I was not trusting God enough at that moment.

And I was the one who asked God to only open one door.

Yet, I have angels around me, whose presence themselves remind me of God.

My buddy who always keeps me in prayer and insists God loves me when I denied that.

A friend in KL who spent 2hrs talking to me on the same thing again and again when I was frustrated with God, questioning why He insisted His so-called best plan when it was torturing to me.

And many many other friends who have walked me through.

It was till I reflected and really thought that I should come before God wholeheartedly to talk to Him properly.

‘Cause I thought people around have been trying hard to pull me out of the valley, can’t waste their efforts right?

I attended the fast and pray at church.

It was the time where we each looked for our preferred corner.

I took a bible with me and thought I would finally talk to God properly.

God has His best plan and it’s always not our plan, remember?

Yea.

I didn’t even get to “talk”.

I was prompted to open the bible.

Each passage I flipped through made up what He has for me.

It was Psalm 138:2-3 which told me that He is merciful and faithful, His name and promise are above all, I call and He will answer, He gives me strength when I am weak within.

Then, Psalm 60:5, to tell me that He will save me and He promises.

Followed by Psalm 61:5, He told me that He heard me and He will give to those who honour Him.

Psalm 62:1, He then reminded me my heart can only be rested when I wait upon Him.

Psalm 22:26, He said He will bless me who has suffered and the end will be me praising Him I seek Him.

Psalm 77, reminded me again, assured me again, the journey of seeking Him and waiting upon Him will not be rejected as He never fails and He is the Lord of miracles.

Psalm 37 was amazing. Through that passage, He is telling me He knows everything. I was angry with God at that time, asking Him why people who are seeking Him go through suffering but others enjoy all the goodness on earth. Every single verse was the answer to my each question. Trust, do good, He will grant my desire, commit, be still, wait, do not fret and angry when others succeed, He delivers.

Psalm 34:4-10, He is saying He will deliver me from fear and I will experience His goodness on my own, lacking nothing.

Psalm 27 highlighted to me again, wait, be still, strengthen my heart.

And Job 23 was totally my state together with His presence.

At the end, He gave me Psalm 23 as the comfort and assurance.

And I felt peace.

Was no longer questioning God.

Thought of checking in with a friend who offers some opportunity previously.

As he was in a trip, I thought I should wait.

Who knows (Yea God knows) the next day, he texted me on an opening in an organisation which he mentioned previously that he could help to refer.

Although I did not land on that job at the end, the extra miles he has taken to talk to his CEO friend and manager friend really amazed me.

Angel indeed.

Was referred by another friend to his organization.

It was my first interview which I really prepared nothing as I was not very keen.

Never heard of the organization before and it doesn’t look good from its website.

Was a bit reluctant especially deep within I did feel that this is where God wants to put me in.

Cut the story short, at the end I decided to take this position because they are open to fund further study and very generous in overseas training and conference.

On a side note, it was a family service centre, which means the centre is casework based.

I explored transferring department to the family service centre in my previous organization but was turned down just because I don’t have the required degree in social work.

Family service centre too, but this organization is willing to give me title of “Program Executive” to take me in.

Okay, story ends here?

I once thought so too.

However, it was the start of another long wait.

Supposed to start on 1 April but ended up only starting 14 May just because of one person, the HR cum ED.

Waiting for her again and again, again and again for different things, without update from her, without reply when I asked for update.

And I have been depending on my friend’s assurance on how certain that the department and the centre manager wants me.

The wait was torturing.

Imagine when you have no income and have to pay for rental still.

Fell into and was trapped by anxiety again.

And a friend gave me a verse from Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God knows how to assure me that He is speaking to me.

I encountered this verse countless times via different channels thereafter.

And, looking back, I just realized, He has given me this verse very back then in mid February, Valentine’s Day somemore.

Telling me He really loves me right?

He made me encounter the verses Jeremiah 29:11-14.

But I was focusing on the 12th-14th, “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.

See, my fault.

Overlook His assurance on plans to give hope, not to harm.

He means no harm.

He has His best plan.

Unexpected.